You probably have heard of the cliche that," You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have" But then again, what if being strong is what you have been through the years. It finally dawned on me that while I still had some expectations of people and while I had somewhat a slight hope in dependence, I was also the kind to stand alone and fight. But that came at a price. I realized that I bottled up and stayed strong through the emotions and when I bust open I really did bust open, I cried, despaired and also got my bouts of depression some times all because, being strong was all I ever did or maybe even knew.
It was finally wearing me out, the brave girl suit was getting tight. Some how I have always been the strong one, the one with the answers, not always though but in the crowds I just don't remember a day that I didn't hold it together.
Habits from over time, I can only imagine what the years through taught me on being strong no matter what. Recently, I realized that as time went by,I had a pattern of breaking down as much as I had it all together. I realized being strong was not something I wanted to be always, I need to feel all the emotions, to be a damsel and a brave warrior all the same. It is surely possible to be alive, there are a lot of books on how to be in touch with one's emotions, yet I still find strength a weapon to survive through regardless of how grave the consequences are in the detox moments.
So what does one do in the face of a turn of emotions, how does one go past the strong facade that comes with learning to brush off every pain or hurt. How does one cry when they want to and laugh hard when they so desire, How does one just live life?
And that is where I am, in a place where life should not get in the way of living. The next half of my life, should be of full living, of continuous thriving. It should be something worth looking forward to you know, between the fall of tears and the sound of loud laughter, between feeling the pain and letting it go. It should be a ride of life. (It's time I guess to cut off the strings of serious surviving)
It is good to be strong, half the time being strong helped me survive the moments of great pain but it should also be okay to find pleasure in living large and living through all the moments of life. What is there to lose if in moments of despair you did go through and came to the end having experienced all the emotions as they played out. I guess I don't have to always be strong, I guess you also don't have to always be strong, you can be in between the moments of life and feel every little bit of it. It goes like that, but we never half find ourselves in those paths, I hope I do and you as well, Go live life.
You don't have to wear the brave girl suit always.